I am not that smart, but Heavenly Father is that good

I went up to the temple today to seek out some clarification and to take those steps which will help me become a more spiritual person rather than just saying that is what I want to be. I didn't actually go inside because the fancy to go didn't hit me until after we talked about temple attendances and how much we go there in my D&C class as well as what are our driving motivators for living in my Personality class. I wasn't a fan of either of my answers so I went up to do something about it. I started off with a prayer where I was trying to just ask blessings for others when I realized what I actually asking to be the heroine in a miraculous "fixed it" kind of story. Which is for acknowledgment, not genuine concern for the person. So my prayer more tuned into asking to be more like Naaman who would do something without fanfare, repetitive and mundane for the Lord than Gehazi who wanted gain from helping others. After I did some scripture study I started to write in my journal about what was on my mind.  

It started off with my lack of personal scripture reading and prayers. I thought about the reasons that I don't do them and  was hit by a revelation that was quite shocking to me. I don't do good things in front of other people because I don't want to look like a goodie-two-shoes because if I were I wouldn't be a relatable person who you could talk to or who could help you and I am above all else a helpful person. It is a crazy notion once written down, but really is how I have though for a long time without being conscious of it.  It sounds like the kind of confusion satan would cause, but the explanation isn't as important as the option that makes it so I can stop listening to what "they" think and do things that are actually good for me.

This idea of finding something so important about myself made me want to dig a little more. I have always seen myself as a generous person (aka kind and forgiving), but really I am not easily offend. A person I have been offended by is my ex-stepmother. Have I forgiven her? I would like to say yes, but my story telling would say otherwise. That is in explaining the differences between my ex-stepmother/family and my new stepmother/family I have searched my memory for examples of how horrible she has been to convince people of how terrible she is and why we had to get away. These are acquaintances in my life who don't know her and won’t meet her.  Why was I making an enemy out of her? Even if she is an enemy I am still supposed to love her? Would you speak ill of those you love? These were the hard questions coming to my mind and I do have answers for them, but they weren't the "yes you are justified" kind of answers.  The problem was that the marriage started off with “us” and “them” lines already drawn into it and because we didn't want to be intrusive we let them stay and when we reached over we got burned to many times so we stopped trying, but I can remember being "good" to be spiteful after a time. Especially after...*shake head* I was about to look for evidences again, but that isn't the point here. 

The point is that though the Lasley's and the Eliason's didn't bring out the best in one another I can't hold on to offenses real or imagined if I am going to live the way I want to. The point is that it wasn't until I talked to Heavenly Father about it that I found solutions. I have been struggling to find a way to change and in one afternoon of sincere quiet searching I was given two gifts to help me with that. The question now is : will I use them properly?

We had a wonderful Christmas!!!!

We went to K-mart to find a tree and found these guys and I had my camera in my purse. It's not the best quality, but we loved it. 

Christmas eve, with my tree, presents, office supplies and drum

With the lights on 

last years Christmas tree which has (and probably will never) come down

Chris playing his Disney piano book

another one of the tree because (even though I said we didn't need it) I  love it!!

My brother Scott gave me yearn for Christmas. Out of that 218 yards I have created this  

it is hallow and...

 a neck warmer

 a Ninja mask

whoville/ clown hat

or easy hair cover 

The loot Chris got

My loot

birthday boy

His present

his cake

I made it say 24 because that is how old he is 

It's been five years today...Love you Mom ^_^

wherever we are is simply in the middle

 I have been thinking a lot about life, about endings and beginnings and all of that.I was talking to my sister about it and she pointed out that we are in the middle. I was thinking about that more when I found  a talk by President Uchtdorf about always being in the middle.  It is easy to get lazy when we are in the middle. It isn't something we celebrate or think of things we do for like endings and beginnings. This picture is an ending and a beginning and a middle. The semester had just ended and I was taking my friend Libby to the airport so she could go home. The 7 week break was beginning which would be the start of my married life without school. I took this picture at 6 in the morning  I was in the middle of my trip home in the middle of my lane and I am in the middle of my life. I have been waiting too long for an end or a beginning of something. I can take care of me and work on doing things in the middle. I don't need to worry what others are doing because they have a choice. I can only see what is best for me so that is what I am going to focus on. Me in the middle of my life.

Why peanut butter cookies can't wait

must make it flat

Then cut cookie out

Chris being himself while I work on the cookies. 

but it works pretty well

but it is tough work trying to keep the peanut piratical to stick together

But I  am doing the work

but it takes a long time

And near the end they don't really work with my cookie cutter cup

but they will be yummy

or would  have been if we remembered them, that is two different cookies I broke in half to see the middle of them

sad day :(

I have been a little miserable lately because I have been wanting cookies which I haven't gotten. Chris made me  peanut butter dough, but then we didn't want to make anymore cookies that night so we waited to the next day. This made it REALLY dry and hard to work with so I had to use a cup, but then neither of us heard the timer go off. So we didn't notice it until while cooking dinner on the stove and smoke came out of the oven. Yeah they are black ALL the way through.

I feel like the yellow one

(http://freefall.purrsia.com/ go read the comic it is great!!!)

cellphone pix

Taylor at night 

dress I would have loved to have if it has sleeves 

I fell asleep while studying and my headphones did this

the chain Beau used to get my dead car to school

It looks just like a turtle on a rock but really....

Arial *Part of your world*

it was just cool looking

I made rice pudding and I put too much water in the second pan

While I was freaking out he sucked out the extra water

and put it into the cup

What I put on my notes when I was sick, it is death on a sick with a snail on it. 

cool car

before flash

after flash

potato that looks like a dog

Elizabeth

Duck

Man I love

Just Havah

Fred and Havah

Nishelle

Kathryn

Danny

Washing  Dishes at Kari's house ages ago and found this

it a cup in a cup

stuck their with water 

a picture of shoes that reminded me of Ducky

arm/leg warmers I made for Fred

Farmstead's best pumpkin done by the firefighters.

Caitlyn upside down 

sleeping little Havah

baby Lilly