Strength

I don't like people telling me that I am strong. I tell people that my mom passed away and they see how happy I am and they call me strong. They complement me on my strengths and my faith. Makes me feel like a hypocrite. I am not any stronger then they are they just haven't gotten a chances to have it tested. I am not that strong and my happiness is actually kind of bad sometimes because I use it as a shield to hide from my actual feelings. That is what I learned when my mom died, that I didn't accept negative emotions. Though I do find it a compliment that people can't tell that my Mom died, but really what do you expect me to be like? Some sad emotionally desturbed little girl who wear all black and whenever I get the chances cry is small dark corners by myself. I don't know I just know that it is my petpive to be called strong because I am not strong, at least not by myself, I am only strong because of my family and my faith. And for people to say that I-me-myself alone is strong just makes me get that itchy feeling that I deceiving people. But let me tell you don't tell them that you are not that strong because then they start calling you humble and that just makes me want to scream!!!!

bugs, worms and other things.

Um...well I should be studying for one of the two test that I have but I really really really don't want to. I would rather wait and wait and wait and never do it. I just don't know what to do with myself. I am like a... what am I like. Probably like a fly in the winter. I move real slow everywhere, but I do some how make it places. There must be a really bad frost right now because I am just vegetating in my chair in the corner watching my roommates talk to each other. I am so weird. I don't know what I am going to do with myself. Probably something productive, maybe, maybe not. YUCK!! I don't know what to do with myself and now I am repeating what I said earlier. I feel like one of those poor sad dehydrated worms on our side walks that are slowly being trodden down into the concrete. Poor little things. Well that is enough of that, I will get back to my work.